


You Look Like a Dork When You Cry

by PiercetheHorion



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Feels, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-28 04:53:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/987905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiercetheHorion/pseuds/PiercetheHorion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pushing down that worry was a bad idea from the start, and now, this is the price they pay for it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Look Like a Dork When You Cry

_How can a plan go so wrong?_

_How can a problem you thought was solved turn around and bite you in the ass?_

_How can someone so close to you push you through death's god damn door?_  
~~~  
It started off as another titan clean up; another attempt to take back more land that these god-forsaken monsters took away from humanity. It was a basic plan, go in, kill as many as you can as fast as you can, and most importantly, do not die.

But of course, even the simplest of plans always end up with some kind of plot twist. This one happened to be a trick that had been useful in battle many times. It wasn't unusual to hear the higher-ups had commanded a certain cadet to use his special ability to assist with many titan battles. Eren was always... well, let's not say happy to oblige, but he followed the orders he was given. You could always see the spark in his eyes when he knew he had another chance to wipe out so many of these monsters, no matter the reluctant look that entered his expression upon order to transform.

Even so, there was always one soldier who had this dislike buried deep in the pit of his stomach. He would never say it straight to his face, but to be honest, Jean always had a sense of worry whenever he turned into that titan form of his. It was a feeling he always kept to himself, knowing the little brat would probably laugh at him for being some kind of baby.

And really, he didn't give a fuck. Ever since the two had grown considerably close, Jean suddenly had all these strange feelings about the young soldier. He never used to worry, or care for Eren like how he did now, even if he does still get on the boy's nerves. He would never admit a word of how the hard-headed boy made him feel, partly because it would be hell explaining it on its own. Anyways, it's not like Jean didn't worry without a reason. Every time Eren received the order to turn into that giant 15 meter class, the memory of what happened back in the Trost clean up flashed through his head. He didn't need to be there to see it to know how fucked up the teen had gotten. He lost control, and attacked Mikasa. Mikasa. His own family. Do you understand how bad he had to have been to do something like that???

Ever since Jean heard about that, he would always worry. What if he actually lost it one day and they'd have to kill him...? It actually made the soldier sick to think something like that. Shaking his head, Jean made his way to his feet. He knew they would be heading out soon, so sitting around isn't going to do him any good.

Making his way to the courtyard, he looked around for a specific person, assuming the higher-ups haven't taken him out yet. Surprisingly enough, Jean spots just the cadet he was looking for, not to far off. Shifting himself around the soldiers that were standing, awaiting their orders as they solemnly chat with one another, the boy made his way over to the hot-headed teen. Eren seemed to notice him quickly, his head rising to see Jean in front of him. "Oh, Jean, hey..." he spoke to the taller male before him.

As shocking as it may be, Eren isn't as oblivious to many things as one would think. Or, at least not when it concerned Jean. Much to Jean's surprise, Eren had many strange feelings for him as well. The way they handled it, people looked at them and immediately assume they some form of a love/hate relationship; which they wouldn't be entirely wrong about. The two fought a number of times, but no one was around when they had their nice moments- the close ones they would never openly admit to liking. The two had been close enough for long enough to be able to say those famous three words without even saying anything, so they were together for damn well long enough for Eren to be able to see something was up with the cadet he stubbornly held so dear to him. Even so, he knew it wasn't something Jean would go and talk about, so it was better to leave well enough alone unless it was really bad.

Jean pushed all the doubt he had deeper into his mind, looking down to Eren. "Hey. Surprised you're still here, actually." Eren gave off a small chuckle, "Yeah, I only have a bit before I need to head out there..." It wasn't anything unusual that he would go out before the rest of the soldiers. By now, he had gotten better at transforming, so the soldiers usually wanted him to be ready before-hand. A sigh emitted from the taller boy's mouth. "Yeah, I figured. Look, I just wanted to..." Jean seemed to pause before finishing his sentence. Eren looked at it as a bit odd.... Normally, he would boldly go and say something and lead them into some stupid bicker. But this time, the teen held his tongue? Jean's eyes had been closed, and he opened them once more to look directly at the boy standing before him. He never froze with him but, that feeling in his gut was feeling quite... strong. And he couldn't explain it, leaving him with no choice but to push it down as he spoke. "I just wanted to tell you to not be any more stupid or reckless than you usually are, alright?" He couldn't help but mentally scowl at himself for letting his voice shake from his normal straight-forward tone. The feeling of worry that lingered through him was for nothing, right? Even if Eren did do something stupid, which he always inevitably did, everything always ends up just fine.  
Right?

\---------------------------------

Wrong.  
 _Oh dear god, **he was so wrong.**_  
It was all going on fast enough to put Jean's mind into a blur. What was going on? What could have went wrong!?   
There were so many questions running through him, trying to register how this turned for the worst so suddenly.   
Eren.  
The last thing he could clearly thing of was what happened with Eren, and even that wasn't all that clear. Something went horribly bad when the teen shifted into a titan. _'God, I knew something was going to fucking happen but I had to ignore it like some god damned idiot, didn't I!?_ ' the blond yelled in his head.   
It didn't even happen at first. It was as if something was building up inside the shifter before he just... snapped. Went berserk. Eren grew to the point of being completely blind and oblivious to who he was attacking. It was like Trost all over again.  
Only this time Jean was there to experience the horror. He was there to see Eren go after Mikasa, and ignore her attempts to bring him to his senses. He was there to witness him nearly crush Armin, along with a few other of their friends. To see him completely turn on his comrades.   
He was there to see the giant fist come barreling towards him, too frozen in place to move out of the way. To feel the pain of several of his own bones breaking, cuts forming on his skin. To see the debris of the building he was standing on come down around him. On him.

He was there as it all slowly became dark.

It was only after what seemed like an eternity that the teen barely regained consciousness, just to see the darkness that was the rubble around him. He didn't bother moving, there were too many injuries for him to deal with. At least right now, the blond was too numb to feel any of the pain that was inflicted on him. Jean did his best to focus on coming to his senses, at least while he could. To the best of his ability, he was able to make out a muffled sound.

_Jean...!_   
_Oh God- JEAN!!_

  
It was his name. Who the hell was calling his name... the voice was familiar. The soldier cringed at the light that was being brought to his eyes as the rubble was slowly being lifted off of him. The sudden release of pressure in some places made a yell be trapped in his throat. The sudden intensity of pain made the boy feel like all the breath had been knocked from his lungs.

"Jean, please, you fucking moron, LOOK AT ME."  
Oh right. Someone was actually there. Bringing his eyes to look at the soldier who brought him out, they couldn't help but widen.   
He ignored all the blood that was bound to be his, or the clear injuries he could see on his own body. All the blond could see were glossy, tear filled, angry, sea-green eyes boring into his own as his head rest on his lap. With a cough, he did his best to find his voice. His mouth felt so dry. "Eren... You have t-the damn _nerve_... to call ME a moron," Both of them cringed at the struggle it was to speak in a clear tone. "After what... just happened...?" He wanted to be mad at Eren. He wanted to yell at him for being such a god damned idiot. To look at the mess he's made.  
But he just didn't feel the anger burn inside him.  
He couldn't feel angry when those eyes looming over him were filled with water that was begging to spill over. "Gh... SHUT UP, I KNOW, OKAY?!" Eren couldn't help but scream. His own anger wasn't even anger towards the blond. It was at himself, for causing this in the first place. He was furious with himself. Sitting there, the blood of the boy below him coating parts of his own body. The shifter watched the teen before him.  
The blond soldier gave off a weak chuckle, "God this sucks... this does.. this really doesn't look great for me, huh..."

_**He**_ made those injuries.

  
"Hey... if this is what gets me a-at... least I'm no pain in your ass... anymore, right?"

  
_**He**_ caused him this pain.

  
"You...just going to sit there idiot... or are you going to say s-something..."

  
This was all his fucking fault and there wasn't a thing he could do about it.  
Blinded by his own anger, shaking from how it boiled in his blood, the brunette didn't even notice the tears spilling over, streaming down his cheeks and onto the boy below him. Jean looked up as best he could at the now crying boy and couldn't help but give off a chuckle, a tone of sadness behind it. "You know..." Struggling, he brought his arm up slowly- leading his hand to his cheek. "You look like a dork when you cry..." Jean gave his normal smirk, only to have it fade when he felt the drops of tears hit him even more. It caused a glossy change to his own golden orbs when he stared up at Eren. "Moron... Please stop it..."  
Eren choked back any cries he had locked in his throat as he leaned in and pressed his forehead to that of the one below him, his own body shaking with sobs and anger, pressing to be released into the air. "God damn it Jean, I... Fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." his words were interrupted by the hiccups that managed to escape his throat. Jean's eyes widened, shocked at the form that was against him- ever so lightly. He was still, and quiet when one tear slipped from his eye. A single word was uttered from his lips as his focus was locked on the trembling mess above him. "Eren..." Just his name held so much, and clearly the other could hear that. The feeling and pleading for him to stop, and all these mixed emotions held in one word- he felt all of it.   
Eren gasped, forcing back a cry that threatened to escape his lips. "J-Jean please... I swear to God you loser, i-if you fucking die on me..." His tears continued, even seeing the breathless laugh that emitted from the blond's lips. The brunette's tone became so soft, as it was becoming a painful struggle not to break into some form of sobbing. "I-I fucking love you, Jean, please you can't leave me like this...Weren't you supposed to come out looking...looking like the god damn hero...?!"   
One more tear fell from the golden eyes that looked up with him, mixing with one of Eren's that had fallen to his cheek. His grin was filled with pain, and at the same time... it held it's own bit of happiness. Jean never was cut out to really be the hero. He couldn't even say I love you. He never really admitted that before... but now was as good of a time as it could get to fix that. "Yeah... I love you too, you dork..."  
  


_'I'm just sorry I didn't get to say it more… heh. Guess you're not the only dork, huh? Sorry Eren, but I'm no hero… But I'm glad you saw me that way, even for a little bit…'_

And damn it, that stupid grin stuck to his face the whole time.  
It was there when his arm went limp.  
It was there when his eyes went dull, and were closed.  
It even remained as the broken yells of the green eyed soldier cried out through the air.  
Because sure, it sucked to die. It was awful to make someone so close to you witness such a painful thing.  
But that person thought of you as a hero, even if he only thought it, said it in these last moments.  
 _ **And a hero dies smiling, damn it.**_

**Author's Note:**

> SO This story was based off a picture I saw on Tumblr, and this story is posted there as well. If you want to see it, look under the tag "Erejeansquad writes"  
> The picture is also there with it's source.  
> I hope you enjoyed the story! I haven't written in a while and the space of time between when I started this and when I finished it was waaaay off so, if the story seems rushed or off track, I am so sorry. ;;  
> Originally no one was gonna die but  
> PFFT that's no fun.


End file.
